Jesus Christ, WP, fix your shit.
Everyone around me is – again- obsessed with weight loss. It is both infuriating and motivating and I have a lot of EMOTIONS about it. I am despondent and furious and determined all at the same time. And I HATE it. I wish that I didn’t care. I wish that no one HAD to care. I wish that I didn’t love peanut butter *quite* as much as I do. Probably that would make everything easier.
We have this Wellness committee at work and their current project is a weight loss challenge through the local fitness center (the one I happen to belong to). A bunch of my coworkers joined. Which means that every time I go into the break room to fill my water bottle, someone is talking about how much weight they’ve lost or how GOOD or BAD they’ve been, or they’re bemoaning the presence of the leftover pastries from the Senior Coffee. And I am thinking, “La, la, la, I can’t hear you.”
I am a little envious of the successes, because I was one of them a few years ago and I kept being surprised and astonished by that success AND the fact that people – mostly strangers to me – noticed. Actually, that was a little creepy sometimes, depending on who was doing the commenting. And the whole time, I felt like actually talking about it would somehow jinx it. A common question I got was, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING??” And if people said, “You look AMAZING,” I wondered how bad I’d looked before. BAD. REALLY BAD. The thing that worked was logging everything exhaustively – basically calorie counting – in an app, which takes time and effort and diligence. And after several years of doing that I was SO.DONE. But not doing it and eating whatever the hell I want whenever I want was a good way to gain some of it back. Which is, of course, disheartening. And the strangers are mostly silent now – having witnessed my FAILURE. Except for that swimming instructor who keeps trying to give me her old bathing suit. “What size are you?” Let’s not talk about that, shall we?
So, after getting upset again with my lack of progress in this particular endeavor (which, I honestly haven’t been giving the old college try except to exercise like a fiend – this is great, except you don’t lose weight if you promptly consume all the calories you’ve lost!), and upset because other people ARE succeeding, I had a talk with myself about how I could easily fix all of this angst by making an actual effort and doing what I did before. Presumably it will work again and I can stop bellyaching about all of this and feel HAPPY for others who are, likewise, doing well. Envy, you are irritating – go away.
Also, biking season? Right around the corner. Yay.
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Back in November there was another fitness challenge at work that involved setting 3 fitness goals and maintaining them for 3 months. Mine were to exercise 60 minutes a day (no problem, since I usually do that anyway), stretch for 15 minutes a day (I have a harder time doing this because I would rather spend the energy burning more calories, but my body is cranky and sore a lot because I DON’T stretch enough), and add 60 minutes of weight training to my week (mostly focusing on upper body since I get a lot of lower body exercise in the pool and on the elliptical trainer, and to address the upper body weakness I’ve experienced since I fractured my elbow a couple years ago – it has taken a hit and whatever I’ve been doing to compensate has been causing my shoulder to hurt).
I’ve kept up with all of those goals since November, and am happy to report that my shoulder is much better. I’d been thinking of seeing a physical therapist to work on the elbow/shoulder problem exclusively, but I seem to have figured it out on my own. During this time I also read about MAT (muscle activation technique) which uses muscle stimulation to remind your muscles how to move and interact – this can be useful for people who have suffered injuries and whose bodies have found other ways to compensate which aren’t efficient. There’s a trainer/PT who does this at the facility (my gym has a couple of locations that are convenient to me) in town, whom I may contact in the future if the problem persists.
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Why is everyone so old?
Oberon has been talking about foot pain recently and has diagnosed himself with plantar faciitis. My mom had a terrible experience with this when she flew out to visit me in Baltimore. I made her walk everywhere (I didn’t have a car), and at one point she was shouting out to the world that her daughter was abusing her. I have now had several experiences with it myself, so I know that it can be very painful.
Pain is a weird thing, though. People’s thresholds are very different and you can never really crawl inside of someone else’s head/body and feel what they are feeling. You have to rely on their reports of those experiences. When I had my Jone’s fracture, the people at the hospital couldn’t believe I was walking on it. It hurt a lot, but there were ways to move it so that I could still put some weight on it. I think we get accustomed to carrying some kinds of pain and after awhile they are just “normal.”
I’m still getting some little twinges from my thumb after the bathroom incident in January. DOOM. It’s much better than it was, though. I’d really like to keep my skeleton (and other bits) intact if at all possible.